Apologetic Rant

Ready for a rant?

Ok, Dunkin Donuts, I love you. I really do. Your coffee and donuts are just average enough that I enjoy my little trips to you but still pine for a nice cup at Starbucks or a creme donut from Maryanne’s.

But come on guys, when I say I want decaf with one packet of sugar, I mean ONE PACKET OF SUGAR. I don’t mean a whole crapload of sugar so that it accumulates at the bottom and I’m stuck with coffee-flavored syrup. No matter what I ask for, I get the same thing. It’s annoying to put my own sugar in…I know I’m lazy, don’t judge.

Oh, and this is my other favorite thang about Dunkin Donuts. Consider this exchange:

Me: medium decaf, black
DD: medium with cream and sugar?
Me: no, black
DD: cream?
Me: no, black
DD: sugar?
Me: no, black
DD: Regular black
Me: no, decaf black

And then an hour later I’m higher than Ken Kesey from all the caffeine. Once, I tried to ask for hazelnut. Woah. I don’t want to talk about it. Also, my local DD features a group of Pan-Asian men who all wear a name tag that says “VISHNU.” I imagine that’s the same as me going to work wearing a tag that says “YAHWEH.”

I’m sorry for the pathetic rant. No one wants to listen to that.

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About Brian


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